Top Ten Signs That You're Suffering Semester Burnout
10. You're so tired, that you now answer the phone, "Hell."
9. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, bitch!"
8. When your parents inquire about your grades, you sing the
Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to
sleep because you just don't care.
6. You've got so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Just to take a break from studying, you actually exit your
dormitory when the nightly fire alarm goes off.
4. You sleep more in class than at home.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your bookbag.
2. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
Top 23 Habbits you'll bring home from collage
1.Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.
2.Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.
3.Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.
4.Walk two blocks to go to dinner.
5.Forget to dial the first three digits of your friend's phone number.
6.Dial 9 when calling out of your house.
7.Use your calling card when calling your friends.
8.Walk to the post office to get your mail.
10.Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush.
11.Try to latch the bathroom door because you think you're in a stall.
12.Take all your shower items to and from your room.
13.Get dressed in the dark.
14.Go nuts looking for the quarter slots on the washing machine.
15.Make junk food runs at 11:30 at night.
16.Make popcorn just because you miss the smell.
17.Order pizza every Friday night.
18.Have one of your friends spend the night because you can't
sleep in a room by yourself.
19.Move another bed, dresser, and desk into your room because
there is too much extra space.
20.Hang pictures of your college friends on the wall so you
don't miss them.
21.Hoard food under your bed for when it snows and you don't
want to go out.
22.Walk around the neighborhood looking for a computer lab (e-mail
23.Fight your mother for quarters for the imaginary snack machine and pay phone in the house.
The Top 28 Children's Book Titles That Didn't Quite Make the Cut
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
15. Please don't feed the mosquitoes.
14. If you can't say something nice, be passive aggressive
13. Minnesota, headwaters of the Mississippi. It's all downhill from here.
12. Minnesota - where bottled water comes in cubes
11. Are those goose bumps or mosquito bites?
10. Visit Minnesota (weather permitting)
9. Minnesota - Home of the bald ego
8. Go Twins Go - and take the Vikings with you
7. Garrison Keillor for President - If you're gonna get a story, you might as well get a good one.
6. I'm driving 10 mph below the speed limit in the left lane because someone has to put you in your place.
5. Minnesota: At least we're not one of them square states
4. Minnesota: Summer falls on a Thursday this year.
3. Minnesota: We're not nice, We're numb.
2. Welcome to Minnesota! Caution: Some potholes contain fishermen.
1. Warning: this governor is for entertainment purposes only.
Top Ten Summer Camps to Avoid
10. Walter Herplemonger's Expert Kite-Flying Camp
9. The John Denver Flight School for Teens
8. The Viagra Nudist Camp
7. Camp Nike sweat shop
6. The Florida Everglades Kiddy Camp and Gator Farm
5. Camp Pharmaceutical Research Subject
4. Mike Tyson Fantasy Boxing Camp for Girls
3. "Our Sister of Constant Supervision" Summer Camp
2. Jason and Freddy's Nightmare Halloween Camp #13
1. Nightglow Meadows Summer Camp and Nuclear Waste Repository
Top Ten Ways to Spend the $250 Million Powerball Jackpot
10. A twinkie for everyone in the country
9. Develop and market an action-figure doll of yourself.
8. Get yourself one a' them "Pentagon quality" toilet bowls.
7. Buy the biggest trailer in West Virginia, and then put a new BMW on blocks in the front yard.
6. Pay for a top-notch therapist to deal with the feeling that, compared to Bill Gates, you're still not rich.
5. At long last: a home-slurpee machine of your VERY OWN!
4. Four words: Prank call to Antarctica
3. Goodbye aluminum siding: Hello golden siding
2. Get it all in pennies and ride the horse in front of K-mart, FOREVER!
1. Donate it to a college. Then they can name a building after you: "Lucky Bastard Hall"
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